2010 - what a year. I would consider it a very hard year, but I'm not sure what to compare it to. I've had hard years before, hard as in deep-dark, will my life just end sort of years. This was more of an emotionally and physically challenging year. Just when you think you can't take another blow!
Not stating this to complain, there were highlights and moments where I wanted to scream from the rooftops "I LOVE MY LIFE", I really didn't get the 'blues' until December hit. I'm not sure what it is, seasonal depression? The Feeling of being ultimately overwhelmed with every situation in my life right now? I haven't put my finger on it, but the weepies are here and my days fold into each other with the lack of motivation.
December it seemed like we were all sick, Rhys has the worst of it - his mouth covered in painful cold sores that would not heal and he could hardly open his mouth or eat. He has always been a tiny little guy, so not eating is rather a big deal. Finally we figured out he was lysine 'deficient'. After cutting his wheat in-take back to a small bowl of cheerios everyday, and increased his protein and well, lysine in-take within a week we had a new child. A happy, motivated, energetic boy who was more emotionally stable and incredibly actually eating larger portions at dinner. Despite the fact that he had to give up his beloved breads, buns, muffins, oatmeal, cereal...etc... (I swear this kid is dough boy!) the change is worth it. I'm kept busier trying to be creative with meals that don't include a quick peanut butter and jam sandwich, cereal, toast, muffins, cookies, pizza...etc.. I'm cooking more - but despite the extra 'work load' it's really not that big of a deal. Having a happy boy that doesn't seem depressed day-in and day-out makes every planned menu worth it!
Christmas eve-eve I bit into a frozen cookie that had m&m's in them and broke a tooth in-half, for me... this is traumatic. I am extremely phobic of dentists, this tooth requires a crown $900 that is NOT covered by blue cross. I really rather have a cut or burn, maybe even a broken bone - my mouth is part of my 'bubble' I don't like it messed with! This is when the blues really hit, knowing in my mind that I had to schedule my wisdom teeth to be taken out, which I had been trying to avoid hoping that they would just come in and not hurt and be perfect and yada yada yada... NOT! Now they are impairing my hearing, it's like when you go down a steep hill, or up in a plane when it feels like you have cotton in your ears and you need to 'pop' them. Then the headaches, tooth aches, jaw aches... okay Jillian, suck it up and book it. I did, for next week. I'm so nervous I can't sleep - I'm rather terrified, I'd rather been in labor - really!! Sadly I'm a wimp, and yes I cry real tears about it. Broken tooth added into the mix, yay... let's put that total up to $1,200 of pain infliction I need to pay for. yuck! I wish Ryan's job, as great as it is had better coverage! His last job had benefits that WOULD cover all of that.
Christmas eve Keegan jumped off a table and fractured his foot - this is a moment where you feel like the worst parent in the world, and how could have you prevented this? Let's just say if you have to go to the ER Christmas eve is actually a good time to go - magically no-one's child has a life threatening sneezing fit, a deadly cough, or a sprained toe-nail. There were literally three people in the waiting room and I got in within ten minutes. Shortest visit to the ER ever, waiting, xrays, and cast all within one hour. So if you are going to get injured, do it Christmas eve!
Poor Keegan, it was like having a baby all over again -- he crawled everywhere until I brought up his push car and he could navigate with one foot around the house. Then a few days ago the Dr. that saw us in the ER called back and said they found something on Keegan's bone in the xray - I'm really hoping it's nothing and trying not to stress about it until we see the Dr. on Monday. *deep breathes* The one stressful bit is we don't like our family doctor, we've been trying to get a new one for awhile. She is not mean, she actually is very nice - but she is very whimsicle in a way, we've come in several times with 'conditions' that she would not look into, she would just say "Come back in a few weeks and we'll see if it's gone." Keegan almost had un-necessary surgery on his eye because of this! Thankfully I proceeded to get a few other opinions from other doctors just to find out all we need were drops, NOT surgery. So whatever she has to say on Monday I'm certain I'll go for a second opinion.
Now my camera is dying... the fix is more then a new camera, so the options are few... buy a new camera. My goal, to save-up as fast as I can, purchase a new camera, learn to use it before Grad season starts and HOPE that my camera limps along until then. I have a feeling this is going to be an expensive year, between dental bills and the cost of a camera, batteries, and SD cards all I hear in my head is 'chaching, chaching' as the dollar signs go up. Oh boy! I am excited about upgrading, I've needed to but knew it was no-where in site - not on this budget. Does force mean it suddenly becomes a budget priority? Sadly, to pay for the new I must force the old to work, work, work!
Thoughts on Photography for 2010 -- What a year!! I'm not where I want to be, but I'm amazed that I am where I am at. Amazing clients, advice, creative ideas, I would not have made it if it wasn't for all of you out there! Although booking sessions for a new year is a little nerve racking, if I can get to May I'm good to go. Why can it not be spring/summer/fall all year around? I really could do without winter! Dreams of one-day having an amazing natural light studio will make me more winter friendly. :)
Today is a 'lazy day', I do have editing to do - I just haven't gotten there yet. I've been sipping coffee, clipping coupons for my coupon stacking addiction, chatting with friends and family, rough-housing with the boys, and then..... the washing machine decided to floor my laundry room. yay. :( Why couldn't Ryan be home when this happened? Thank goodness despite owning a swiffer I actually somehow kept my regular mop. Made clean-up a lot easier then soaking up the mess with towels. Oh, did I mention winter came back today as well? *weep*
I'm still waiting for the new year to get better, if it comes in like a lion - will it go out like a lamb?
Well here's to the blues transforming into a different shade,... how about yellow, I could really use some sunshine right about now!
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